Pressure Cooker

They say shower thoughts are funny. But I disagree.

They are a hell of a lot more than funny. Funny is just the tip of the iceberg.
They are philosophical, so much so that they challenge your very existence.
They inspire the economist in you, one that always craved to understand what the heck the GDP meant, and how the per-capita is calculated, and how our daily actions impact the economy.
They take you back into your past, and forcing you to face the brutal reality that stupidity can at times be for good.
They reveal the fact that you always failed to notice, those simple inventions of the past that you use, and take for granted, are so powerful that they are impacting your life, and all the actions you’ve carried out thus far or will carry out later on.

That’s a lot of pros for me to defend, and I better explain myself, and you bet, I can!

Take for instance, a pressure cooker.
You don’t mind if I start talking about the list down to top. Do you? One paragraph below corresponds to each of the pros I listed above, down to top.

A pressure cooker is in my opinion an extremely significant invention of the past. How so, you ask? Just look at it. Look at the amount of energy it saves while it is cooking, and think about the amount of energy it has already saved since its incarnation. Energy in the form of electricity, the relatively less water being consumed, the number of dishes used while cooking being reduced to just 2 to list a few. If you say there are cons, such as you cooking using a pressure cooker on a flame powered by charcoal several years ago, that’s a problem with charcoal, not pressure cooker.
Now, that’s the energy part in brief. You think about it, and you will find more and more reasons to appreciate this simple invention.

If a mortal that never used a pressure cooker cooked something for the first time, and out of hunger or laziness, didn’t wait for the vapor to escape from the cooker, and opened the lid, he definitely hurts himself. You witnessed such a scene? You did? This must tell you some serendipitous side-effects of this magnificent invention. One: The mortal that’s hurt is now hospitalized, and the doctor that treats him makes money. Two: While he’s being treated, it is likely that the pharmacy is also benefited. Three: So does the fruit seller, and the rickshaw wale, or the taxi driver these days, while the mortal is transported and the list goes on and on. Stupidity is good.

All that I’ve talked in the last few lines are contributors to the GDP, and per-capita. Go on and read more in Wikipedia if you like. The doctor, fruit seller, rickshaw wale, everyone contributes to GDP, and affect their per-capita in their own way, and the world bank upgrades of India.

The mortal that’s hurt, if it is severe, it does, for sure, challenge his very existence. Oh Lord, philosophy of existence has also been taught.

Don’t you now think the shower thoughts are more than just funny?

No Particular Reason

I think about it, and with a little effort, I’m sure as hell I’d know who that healthy passenger or crew member is, that had ham or green peas and farted into the beautiful sky while at an altitude of 20 thousand foot. I can even tell if it was just ham or just green peas that (s)he had, or both, also in which order and quantity, if at all (s)he had both. I can as well tell if it was a group farting in ultimate unison. But for the life of me, I don’t know why I cry sometimes for no particular reason. Is it due to malfunctioned hyperosmia that affected my brain, and half way through impacting my nose forgot to do so, and left me with melancholia?

The Magical Roses!

I ran into a man on 13th February. It was evening and I was returning home. He introduced himself as Mr Valentine, the “inventor” of Valentine’s day, offered me a flower bouquet and said it had 3 magical rose buds that shall blossom every hour starting 5AM on 14th February. He went on and said I could choose to give them to any, and can only do so before the sun sets, and those that accept the flower without asking any questions would have their wishes fulfilled right away! He warned me that they are just flowers if I disclose their magical powers!

Before I could ask him further questions, he disappeared into vapor! (Sigh. Global warming, fellas!)

I was not willing to trust Mr Valentine. He was just a stranger to me. However he did disappear right in front of my eyes, and that was as good as a credible testimony of his magical powers.

So, I decided, in the name of love, I was going to risk having my bones broken and face bruised, but not let the magical roses die as sun sets.

I informed my boss that I needed a day off the next day. I had the alarm set to go off at 4:55AM, went to bed.

I woke up as the alarm went off, and in 5 minutes from then, one of the flowers did blossom!

And in 2 hours the other two.

“Wow, that is so real! Those are magical, and punctual!” I said to myself.

It was 8 in the morning by then. I dressed up and went straight to the city center.

I wanted to find someone that really deserved the magical roses. As I was in dilemma to pick one, I thought I close my eyes for a few seconds, and whoever I see as I open my eyes shall be the one.

I kept my eyes shut for 5 seconds, and then opened them. I saw a charming girl passing by me. Let it be her, I thought, gathered some courage, and stopped her, and gave her one of the roses. She didn’t mind accepting it. With a smile on her face said she was engaged, pointed at a man who stood by an old motorcycle and went right ahead to him.

She took it easy on a stranger like me! I was glad she would have her wishes come true!

I was left with 2 more roses by then.

For the next one, I wanted to be a little deliberate with my choice of who gets the rose. So, I looked around, and noticed a very fat women passing by. She looked very dull for some reason. It was the weight, perhaps. I went right up to her, and offered her the second rose. She also accepted it gladly, and said she liked me, paused for a few seconds, and  said “You weigh less than half of me, but I will keep this flower!” and went away.

That “pause” was terrifying as I was not sure what she was going to say after that. With a sigh of relief that she was gone, the second rose was also going to be well utilized, I said to myself.

When I was left with the last rose that I recalled I had totally forgotten about my friend that is in relation with a girl. I hurried myself up to meet him, lied to him that I had with me some special roses from the Keukenhof, and while I kept some for myself, I brought one for him. He thanked me for that, accepted it, and left.

I was happy that I did not let the magical flowers go wasted, and knew he would make it his Valentine’s present to his girl.

I’d sound sleep that night for all the good deeds I’d done, and I kept smiling the entire week.

It was the subsequent weekend that I was at the city center again, and I noticed someone resembling the first girl who I’d given the magical rose. Indeed, it was her. She got off a Lamborghini Aventador, and by her side was a billionaire. I knew instantly what she wished for on the Valentines day!
Apparently her wishes had turned her fiancé into a billionaire!

I kept walking and noticed a brand new multi-floor gymnasium specialized in weight-loss exercises, and a bunch of obese women walking in. The grand advertisement of the gym revealed that the fat women, to who I’d given the second magical rose, was running the gymnasium. Apparently, she wished what a regular-fat-person wishes for: Lose weight overnight. She’d made her fortune by branding and advertising her overnight transformation. Little did those obese women knew, they kept lining up!

It was then that I wanted to know what good the magical roses had brought to my friend, and his girlfriend.

To my regret, I came to know that my friend was under psychiatric observation! I thought “How could she do it to him! How could she ever wish her boyfriend lose mental balance.”
I visited the hospital to watch his condition, and found him walking around in a room with transparent walls, a rose in his chest pocket, drawing things in air. He looked mad for sure. When inquired with the doctor that I was told, my friend was arguing that among other things that he knew, Einsteins theory of relativity was wrong, and that he could run faster than Usain Bolt. The doctor went on and said his girlfriend had called the hospital before she left him forever.

Uh, I then came to know that this poor chap thought just a rose wasn’t enough as a valentine’s day gift, and had brought her a gold ornament, and the magical rose was left with him. Since he had wishes that he could prove Einstein wrong, run faster than Usain Bolt, among the other wishes, and the rose was with him, that all his wishes had come true. And he tried explaining the physics of Einstein, and physics of running to that gal, and she found him retarded. Such a tragedy.

I wanted to narrate to the doctor about my meeting with Mr Valentine, and about the roses hoping that would set my friend free. I always wanted to see my friend go on and prove that Einstein was wrong, and defeat Usain Bolt running backwards. I knew his yearnings, and after all, I knew the magical power of those roses!

I started walking down the hallway to meet the doctor and as I noticed my friend being taken for a shock treatment, I reminded myself I was in psychiatric clinic, and they admit people if they had “magical story”.

I kept walking towards the front door to never return, reminding myself, Valentine’s day does good only for girls.