Some days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs hoping that I realize just what the hell is causing all the pain.
You’re the brightest of the star,
far from my reach.
that you descend all the way
from up there
just to rescue the hillbilly me,
are the times I feel most alive in.
In just about everything, there’s intrinsic beauty
that’s nothing but immaculate.
Like the freshness in blossoming flowers’ petals,
or the kind colors of the setting sun permitting the gazing.
Like the tenderness in the told love,
or the depth of the untold love.
Perhaps all it takes is the willingness to see.
None of this is making sense anymore.
My mind defying the reasoning,
and stalling to think, but
tunneling all my energy to just pound the heart
several times faster, all of a sudden, and
often to yank myself off my body
to force me look at myself,
to challenge and prove that I’m failing to
recognize myself coz I’ve fallen apart
long time ago through
the constant motivation I’ve always had,
to find things that only complicated my life,
eventually leading me to fear just about everything
in life, and that there’s
no way I rebuild myself.
I’m afraid to seek an answer, a way out of this sinkhole,
as all such efforts thus far only kept breaking me further apart,
one experience at a time.
Am I in the vicinity of insanity?
If I ain’t, I wish I’m taken right into it,
as quick as possible,
for I will then be sure that I’m insane, completely,
and that it is okay if nothing makes sense,
and laughter and cry are no different.
I think about it, and with a little effort, I’m sure as hell I’d know who that healthy passenger or crew member is, that had ham or green peas and farted into the beautiful sky while at an altitude of 20 thousand foot. I can even tell if it was just ham or just green peas that (s)he had, or both, also in which order and quantity, if at all (s)he had both. I can as well tell if it was a group farting in ultimate unison. But for the life of me, I don’t know why I cry sometimes for no particular reason. Is it due to malfunctioned hyperosmia that affected my brain, and half way through impacting my nose forgot to do so, and left me with melancholia?