Wooden Planks, Banana Peel

I came to realize that the wooden planks and banana peel have something in common.

Some punk had littered the tidiest of the street with banana peel. Stepping on it, I lost control. To add to the misery there was a little stone on the floor that my my buttocks fell onto.

Oh Lord, it was 52kilograms of pain condensed to 1 square inch initially, and it gradually expanded to about 1 square-palm.
For the first time in my life I realized my lungs can easily reach the
vocal range of an opera singer, and my hands have the reflexes of a mongoose. I appreciate your imagination.

Pain in the ass is really a thoughtful idiom.
Before I get distracted, here is how this incident relates to my realization mentioned early on.

It was from the 8th grade that we sat on wooden planks. Until then, not even them but floor. 8th grade was when the school recognized the beginning of development in us.
I mean, academically!

Two wooden planks were joined for 5 of us to sit in each row. It was quite comfortable most of the time, and we took pride in sitting on them.
But occasionally, when the stars would align, well, we couldn’t see stars in the morning though, the two who sat at either side of the row did something and the 3rd in the row would have his butt squeeze between the wooden planks.
His hands knew exactly where he was hurt, and we could see his pain as his face turned pale.
Knowing that this happened often, the rest of us refused to swap our places with his, in spite of his offer to buy us ice-candy in return, the popular 50 paisa delicacy we couldn’t resist that time.

Although this happened often, I presume it wasn’t as painful as that of my experience today. I say that because my friend from the school could never be heard.
I mean he would never scream his pain out. But we knew when it happened as his hand moved at a pace that violated the laws of motion.

Anyways, doesn’t that prove my argument about the similarly between wooden plank and banana peel?
You may disagree today. But one day, when _you_ step on banana peel and fall onto your buttocks that you will come back and agree with me in regret.
You can’t have the wooden plank experience though, to compare which one stands out.
Not because it is from my childhood and I envy anyone else experiencing it,
but because the school’s furniture has gotten a makeover these day.

No, wait.. They are wooden desks now! So, should you want the slightly similar, but the other experience too, before you agree with my observation, let me know. I will drive you to my home town next time.

I don’t curse the punk that littered the street. No. Not at all. He did a favor. Rather significant one.  After all, it is because of him that I know couple of things I didn’t earlier: My vocal range could match that of an opera singer. I’ve the reflexes of a mongoose!

The Magical Roses!

I ran into a man on 13th February. It was evening and I was returning home. He introduced himself as Mr Valentine, the “inventor” of Valentine’s day, offered me a flower bouquet and said it had 3 magical rose buds that shall blossom every hour starting 5AM on 14th February. He went on and said I could choose to give them to any, and can only do so before the sun sets, and those that accept the flower without asking any questions would have their wishes fulfilled right away! He warned me that they are just flowers if I disclose their magical powers!

Before I could ask him further questions, he disappeared into vapor! (Sigh. Global warming, fellas!)

I was not willing to trust Mr Valentine. He was just a stranger to me. However he did disappear right in front of my eyes, and that was as good as a credible testimony of his magical powers.

So, I decided, in the name of love, I was going to risk having my bones broken and face bruised, but not let the magical roses die as sun sets.

I informed my boss that I needed a day off the next day. I had the alarm set to go off at 4:55AM, went to bed.

I woke up as the alarm went off, and in 5 minutes from then, one of the flowers did blossom!

And in 2 hours the other two.

“Wow, that is so real! Those are magical, and punctual!” I said to myself.

It was 8 in the morning by then. I dressed up and went straight to the city center.

I wanted to find someone that really deserved the magical roses. As I was in dilemma to pick one, I thought I close my eyes for a few seconds, and whoever I see as I open my eyes shall be the one.

I kept my eyes shut for 5 seconds, and then opened them. I saw a charming girl passing by me. Let it be her, I thought, gathered some courage, and stopped her, and gave her one of the roses. She didn’t mind accepting it. With a smile on her face said she was engaged, pointed at a man who stood by an old motorcycle and went right ahead to him.

She took it easy on a stranger like me! I was glad she would have her wishes come true!

I was left with 2 more roses by then.

For the next one, I wanted to be a little deliberate with my choice of who gets the rose. So, I looked around, and noticed a very fat women passing by. She looked very dull for some reason. It was the weight, perhaps. I went right up to her, and offered her the second rose. She also accepted it gladly, and said she liked me, paused for a few seconds, and  said “You weigh less than half of me, but I will keep this flower!” and went away.

That “pause” was terrifying as I was not sure what she was going to say after that. With a sigh of relief that she was gone, the second rose was also going to be well utilized, I said to myself.

When I was left with the last rose that I recalled I had totally forgotten about my friend that is in relation with a girl. I hurried myself up to meet him, lied to him that I had with me some special roses from the Keukenhof, and while I kept some for myself, I brought one for him. He thanked me for that, accepted it, and left.

I was happy that I did not let the magical flowers go wasted, and knew he would make it his Valentine’s present to his girl.

I’d sound sleep that night for all the good deeds I’d done, and I kept smiling the entire week.

It was the subsequent weekend that I was at the city center again, and I noticed someone resembling the first girl who I’d given the magical rose. Indeed, it was her. She got off a Lamborghini Aventador, and by her side was a billionaire. I knew instantly what she wished for on the Valentines day!
Apparently her wishes had turned her fiancé into a billionaire! 😉

I kept walking and noticed a brand new multi-floor gymnasium specialized in weight-loss exercises, and a bunch of obese women walking in. The grand advertisement of the gym revealed that the fat women, to who I’d given the second magical rose, was running the gymnasium. Apparently, she wished what a regular-fat-person wishes for: Lose weight overnight. She’d made her fortune by branding and advertising her overnight transformation. Little did those obese women knew, they kept lining up!

It was then that I wanted to know what good the magical roses had brought to my friend, and his girlfriend.

To my regret, I came to know that my friend was under psychiatric observation! I thought “How could she do it to him! How could she ever wish her boyfriend lose mental balance.”
I visited the hospital to watch his condition, and found him walking around in a room with transparent walls, a rose in his chest pocket, drawing things in air. He looked mad for sure. When inquired with the doctor that I was told, my friend was arguing that among other things that he knew, Einsteins theory of relativity was wrong, and that he could run faster than Usain Bolt. The doctor went on and said his girlfriend had called the hospital before she left him forever.

Uh, I then came to know that this poor chap thought just a rose wasn’t enough as a valentine’s day gift, and had brought her a gold ornament, and the magical rose was left with him. Since he had wishes that he could prove Einstein wrong, run faster than Usain Bolt, among the other wishes, and the rose was with him, that all his wishes had come true. And he tried explaining the physics of Einstein, and physics of running to that gal, and she found him retarded. Such a tragedy.

I wanted to narrate to the doctor about my meeting with Mr Valentine, and about the roses hoping that would set my friend free. I always wanted to see my friend go on and prove that Einstein was wrong, and defeat Usain Bolt running backwards. I knew his yearnings, and after all, I knew the magical power of those roses!

I started walking down the hallway to meet the doctor and as I noticed my friend being taken for a shock treatment, I reminded myself I was in psychiatric clinic, and they admit people if they had “magical story”.

I kept walking towards the front door to never return, reminding myself, Valentine’s day does good only for girls. 🙂